Two Sides To Every Story…

For almost 40 years now, I was a Wizard of Oz purist! I’m guessing you are thinking “ I didn’t even know that was a thing!” Since I first saw that movie at the age of three, and hid under the kitchen table when they met the intimidating Wizard, I was enamored with the film. And so, when I was handed a copy of Gregory Maguire’s book Wicked, in my twenties I wanted nothing to do with it. I had no interest whatsoever in hearing how the “wicked witch” was not really wicked. In my mind, things were clear cut and straightforward. Dorothy was a heroine, Glenda was a benevolent good witch, the Wizard was perhaps misguided in his actions, but a kind hearted man, and the Wicked Witch of the West was Wicked. She cackled, she threw fire, she was going to drown a dog!? Why would I want to hear her side of the story? That mindset did not change when I saw the musical in 2005. While I would agree that the sets were beautiful and creative and the music powerful, I did not enjoy the show at all. I never recommended it to anyone, or listened to the soundtrack or even really gave it another thought.

Last Sunday, I saw it again. Why? Well because I took my 8 year old daughter, who is just as obsessed with yellow brick roads and ruby slippers and the Emerald City as I was at her age and as most little girls are. There is truth to the statement that with age comes wisdom…because this time around, my heart was more open to the story that was being told. Long before intermission, I was in tears (much to Abigail’s embarrassment!). How could I have judged this “witch” so harshly? How had I failed to see how mistreated she was, how they painted her as wicked, when all she was truly, was different. All of a sudden, everything I had believed about Oz since I was a toddler was just turned upside down- and I could see the “truth” presented in this tale as well. 

You may be thinking, “ well, ok…so now you appreciate a fictional story that you didn’t appreciate before. Why are you sharing that with everyone?” It’s because I realized so much more in that theater then that perhaps the Wicked Witch was not truly wicked. I realized that for many of us, there is a time period in our lives where we only see things in black or white, in absolute yes or no, in totally right or totally wrong. For most of us, it’s that age span between 18 and -25 or so. We’re adults, finally! And don’t we know it all! Nobody can convince us of anything or entice us to see a point of view other than our own. Of course I didn’t like Wicked; because I KNEW that it was not the RIGHT story.

What have I learned from 2005 to 2020? What I always knew in theory but have seen in practice countless times in both my work and personal life. There are always two sides to every story. Almost nothing is just truly black and white. There are shades, there are degrees, especially when there are differing points of view. And this lesson is one of the many lessons we at Saint Dominic Academy try to teach the young ladies while they are still here with us.  We encourage them, be open minded, examine all sides of every issue, listen to the thoughts and insights of others. We never accept the answer “ I just don’t like it.” Instead, we work to inspire them to find something they like about any given subject, from math to musical theater. It’s the job of every teacher at Saint Dominic Academy to remind the young women under our care that there are almost always, two sides to every story and that how they feel about a particular subject or topic now, at age 18 may not be how they feel at age 38. At age 25, I decided to judge a book by its cover, even though I knew better. Daily here at SDA, we work tirelessly to make sure the young ladies in grades 7-12 never do that. One more thing I learned from Wicked last weekend…it takes an open mind to “Defy Gravity” and become the version of yourself you were meant to be!

The Blog That Almost Wasn’t…

This blog almost wasn’t here. I was running late with my writing (and my ideas) this week and as of Thursday morning, I still had not formulated a good solid idea for a blog. And then, on Thursday afternoon, I was in a car accident. Thank God, everyone was fine; nobody was seriously hurt at all. Thank God again that Abigail was not in the car but safe at home with her grandparents. The car itself didn’t fare as well, but the bottom line is simple- cars can be replaced, people cannot.

It made me think, though, about all the young ladies in our building; those studying driver’s ed for the first time, those who are making their parents nervous with learners permits, and those lucky seniors who have their driver’s licenses. I know they “know” all the rules; no cell phones, drive within the speed limit, buckle that seatbelt, eyes on the road at all times, stay focused…the list goes on. It’s the list my dad presented to me (well, except there were no cell phones then), when I got my license and took his car out for the first time. And the list was repeated more than once, and still is at times, even to this day. But, no matter how careful we are, no matter how safe we think we are driving, accidents still happen. 

I was lucky; I got out and walked away. However, we’ve all heard stories of those who were not so lucky. There are people, each of us know I am sure, who have been hurt in an accident, who have suffered a loss because of an accident, whose lives have changed because of an accident. Teenage drivers feel that the entire world is before them. They are breathless with excitement at the fact that they can drive. It is a timeless moment, for them and for us- because it’s their first full taste of independence. It’s also their first taste of adulthood and so, they need to know the responsibility that comes with it.

So, I worry- for each young lady here at SDA and for each teenage driver who is out on the road. I see, even in the classrooms, where cell phones are not supposed to be out- the girls cannot resist taking a peek, checking that screen for an instant. What they don’t truly realize is, if they do that behind the wheel, an instant is all it takes for their lives to perhaps change forever. And it’s not just the cell phones- it’s the chattering with friends in the backseat, or changing the music that’s playing, or speeding up to get home in time for curfew…a million little things that can really cause damage beyond repair.

As I said, this blog was almost never written- I was just lucky that I was not hurt badly. Because accidents happen- even when we are extremely careful. What we all, us at school and parents at home need to impress upon the teens we see each day, is that, if accidents can happen when you are being very careful, imagine what could happen if you are being careless while driving? Talk to your daughters, and we will talk to our students, about what it means to be “old” enough to drive a car and how with that age comes responsibility. 

And give your daughters that list of precautions my dad gave (and gives) to me. Even if they roll their eyes and toss their hair, impatient to go wherever it is they are heading- remind them every time to be careful, to be safe, and to be alert. Most importantly, tell them you love them. When these young ladies are old like I am, they will understand two key things- Accidents happen even when we are extremely careful and Parents worry about us because they love us and don’t want us hurt

Stay safe on the roads, everyone.

A February Love Story…

Ah February…and Hallmark mass produced love is in the air. Do I sound cynical? I don’t mean to…it’s just that I don’t know that we need a day or a month dedicated to telling the people we love how much we love them. Shouldn’t we be doing that, and showing that by our actions every day? However, since it is February, I’ll set the tone of the month with a love story that truly, I think, reflects that all we do centers around God.

A high school boy and girl met right before World War II. They dated, fell in love and got married on Valentine’s Day. He went to fight in the Pacific, she moved back in with her parents. Thankfully, the war brought him home safely to her and they began their lives together. I know there were joys and sorrows; losses for the family, and three beautiful children who were their parents pride and joy. And always, there was faith. She stayed home to care for the family and he became a firefighter. They found a way to put their three children through Catholic school from kindergarten onward. They went to church on Sundays. There were trips to Wildwood and visits from cousins and shopping at Journal Square in its heyday. When time allowed, he went back to college to earn a degree. There were handmade communion dresses for nieces and nephews, and dollhouses built from kits and first cars and weddings for their children and then grandchildren. 

And always, I say again, there was faith. For amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life, they managed to help found a parish in Jersey City. He studied and became a permanent deacon and she studied right along with him. They led baptism classes for the new parish and helped with Pre-Cana retreats. He baptized all of his grandchildren and even two of his great-grandchildren. He handed his eldest granddaughter the Eucharist at her First Holy Communion, as she stood before the altar in a dress handmade by her grandmother. God was everywhere; not just in their lives for an hour on Sundays, but he existed right along beside them, from their first meeting and for the rest of their lives. Their love was so strong, so beautiful to all who witnessed it, because it was constantly sustained by their belief in God.

On Valentine’s Day in 1996, God called her home; 54 years to the day that He blessed their marriage. And yet, their love story lived on; in his eyes, in his voice as he talked of her, and in his still sustained faith even in the face of the loss of his beloved, that she was with God and someday he would see her again. He waited a long time; until October of 2019….23 long years of Christmas parties and Easter celebrations and daily mass without her by his side. 23 Valentine’s Days passed; with flowers on her grave instead of in a vase in the kitchen. And yet, each family member those who remembered their courtship and those who never knew her personally knew that in this family, there was never a love story as beautiful as theirs.

It’s my family of whom I speak. My maternal grandparents, whose love existed daily for me from the moment of my birth and that still inspires me today. And so, this month of February is special to me this year, because in my heart I know, that after 23 years of waiting, with God’s abiding love, they are together again, to celebrate not only Valentine’s Day, but their eternal wedding anniversary. I have faith in that, I believe that with all of my heart, and I hope, as we begin to celebrate the month that rejoices in love in all its forms, that God brings that same love into your lives in one way or another.

Remarks from the Father Daughter Dance

This past Friday, Saint Dominic Academy held its Father Daughter Dance at La Reggia in Secaucus, NJ. I was so very proud to be there with my father, and to be able to share some insights about dads and daughters with the room…

Good evening everyone and welcome to the Father Daughter Dance. This event, one of my favorites each year, is even more special to me this evening. Those of you who have been coming to this dance for years know that I always have my “favorite date”, my dad with me here. This evening, I am also lucky enough to have my daughter Abigail, who was so very excited to bring a “date” as well- her future father is here tonight too.

Watching her get ready for this event tonight, her smile as she thought about what she wanted to wear, her plans to dance with both her new dad and her beloved grandfather, made me realize that we all, as daughters, if we are lucky enough to have our dads and/or father figures with us from birth and in our lives daily- may, at times be guilty of taking our dads for granted. I’ll be perfectly honest, I KNOW I take my dad for granted at times and even though I am sorry for that, he and I both know that I’ll probably continue to do it from time to time. Habits that are 42 years old are very very hard to break. But, maybe seeing Abby’s excitement over having a dad in her life, will teach me to be a better daughter and to truly appreciate every single thing, big and small that my dad does for me on a daily basis.

And ladies, if I am going to practice what I preach, then you should as well. I won’t ask you to raise your hands, but how many of you were truly excited as you stood in front of your mirror at home getting ready? How many of you changed your dress or your hair or your lipstick, not to look good for your friends, but to look beautiful for your father? How many of you really took a moment to think just how lucky you are to be here tonight, on a date with the one man in your life who will love you unconditionally, who will do anything to make you happy, and who will protect and defend you at all costs? Did any of you truly think about that tonight? If I did, it was only fleetingly and I am sure that is the case for many of you.

That should not be the case- the men in this room tonight are our heroes- our quiet defenders, our strong silent cheerleaders, and their love for us is what makes us who we are today- strong, motivated women who want to change the world for the better. None of that would be possible without their guidance and support. You know it, I know it, and even Abigail knows it. No wonder she is so excited tonight- she’s still at that young age where a night out with dad is truly the “perfect date.” It should be that way for all of us tonight, and any night we get to spend with our fathers.

So, tonight, maybe keep the phones in your purses, stop looking at your Instagram stories, and enjoy the company of the best man in your life. 

Thoughts About Hairspray!

this past weekend, Saint Dominic Academy was delighted to present the musical Hairspray! onstage in ELAN. I was asked to write a few words for the program, and today, I share them with you…

It’s all about dreams…isn’t it? For all the young men and women who have worked so hard on our production of Hairspray!, it’s their dream to sing and dance onstage and tonight in front of your eyes, their dream will come true. It’s fitting that this particular show we’ve chosen is being performed on this particular weekend; one where we remember the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Dr. King gave his life to see his dream fulfilled and who among us can hear the words “ I have a dream..,” without remembering this remarkable man and how his dream changed the future for millions of Americans for generations to come.

Make no mistake, although our show is lighthearted and peppy, our lead character, Miss Tracy Turnblad, shares the same dream that Dr. King had– the dream to integrate, to see people united instead of divided. Just has he had a dream, so too does Tracy and she learns early on in our show that you’ve “gotta think big to be big” when it comes to making ones dream a reality. As you watch this story unfold, you’ll soon see the connections between our story set in Baltimore and the overarching dream that Dr. King had for America. 

Tonight, and every night and day, those who want to sing together, to dance together, to play together, to work to make the world a happier and better place together…can always do so. Look at the world—so full of beautiful people from all walks of life—and see how each of us can truly work to make the world a happier and better place. 

This cast has brought a smile to my face every day at rehearsal and I am so proud of all they have accomplished! I know they will continue to hold tight to their dreams for years to come. Thank you for supporting them.

Respect for Catholic Education …

Catholic school is a tradition, a way of life, a path that many of us were raised on and that we continue to have our children follow to this very day. It should then come as no surprise how shocked and saddened I was when I learned that Marist High School will close in June. A Hudson County icon, and a visible presence of Catholic Education for all who enter our county via the well traveled NJ Turnpike, it is sad to see their doors planning to be shuttered for good. More and more, this is the path for many Catholic schools, and it is a path that none should ever have to take. 

The goal of all Catholic schools, elementary or high, co-ed or single sex is to provide a faith filled educational foundation for students. One needs only to look at the mission statements of schools in Hudson County, and regardless of whether they were founded by the Dominicans, the Jesuits, the Marist Brothers, the De La Salle Brothers or another religious community, the purpose is shared. 

We at Saint Dominic Academy have a place for all the young women of Marist High School who are seeking an education in the Catholic tradition. Our thoughts and prayers are with their student body as they seek to transition to a new environment and we will welcome with open hearts the traditions of Marist High School that are brought to Saint Dominic Academy by any transfer students who will join our population next year.

In the time between then and now, we will keep the students, parents, alumni and faculty of Marist High School in our daily prayers and intentions. Finding a new “home” is never an easy task to undertake, and leaving what is familiar and those who are friends of the heart for a new and strange place is one of the hardest challenges each of us may ever face in life.  It is even harder when it is a transition not fueled by personal choice. To that end, we at Saint Dominic Academy will work tirelessly to ensure that the needs of the young women currently attending Marist High School will be met, should they choose to make their transition here to Saint Dominic Academy. 

Today, more than ever, let us remember to continue to support Catholic education-because the support directly impacts the students who seek a home in our buildings each and every day.

Prayers for the Marist community.

Christmas Reflection #3

During December, the Head of School’s Blog will be a series of reflections on the meaning of Christmas. All reflections have been composed by the Head of School in previous  years during the Christmas season. It is my sincere hope that these reflections will bring tidings of comfort and joy to you and your loved ones throughout the month of December.

Parent voices hushed…whispers mingled with coffee scented air 

On  a long ago early  Christmas morning.

A table laid with blue and white china,

Crisp cream napkins and brand new dresses

For  Christmas dinner with beloved grandparents.

Tiny footsteps pitter pattering down halls,

The joyful exclamation of a toddler’s voice…

“Daddy, Santa was here!”

A delighted girlish giggle at the sight of a toy kitchen,

a baby doll, a trip of her dreams with Mommy

wrapped in candy colored paper under the candy cane tree.

These memories, recalled with a smile…

And at times with glassy eyes…hidden but for the reflection captured by tree lights

Are what sustain us as we grow older and 

Our children’s childhoods, our cherished family members,

Fade to memory.

As time passes, more and more swiftly from Christmas to Christmas,

We find love, we find joy, 

And always in our hearts our pasts live on, with God’s sustaining love.

Originally written in 2019

Christmas Reflection #2

During December, the Head of School’s Blog will be a series of reflections on the meaning of Christmas. All reflections have been composed by the Head of School in previous  years during the Christmas season. It is my sincere hope that these reflections will bring tidings of comfort and joy to you and your loved ones throughout the month of December.

Seek magic,

In the twinkling of lights,

In the cold rush of snowflakes,

In the purple twilight of

Winter’s Eves.

Seek magic,

In the sparkle of Santa’s eye

In the anticipation that lights a little one’s face,

In the joy of church bells pealing.

Most  of all,

Seek magic

In your hearts.

There you will find HIM, at Christmas and always. 

Originally written in 2016

Christmas Reflection #1

During December, the Head of School’s Blog will be a series of reflections on the meaning of Christmas. All reflections have been composed by the Head of School in previous  years during the Christmas season. It is my sincere hope that these reflections will bring tidings of comfort and joy to you and your loved ones throughout the month of December.

In stages, it approaches…

Reflecting on thanks,

We turn shining eyes to December,

And welcome Advent.

Wide eyed with wonder,

Transformation begins,

And Christmas beauty emerges.

Our homes, our minds, our faces, our hearts,

Begin to prepare for HIS presence.

We awaken our Christmas selves

And emerge,

Transformed by God.

Together, let us celebrate the beauty that is Christmas! 

Originally written in 2016

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